jane_and.the_dragon

     I hate it when someone breaks a promise to me.   The difference between a broken promise and a generic lie like nearly everyone tells is a promise is supposed to be more binding.   If someone actually says the works I promise it is to be taken as a solemn vowel.   If someone says I promise you should be able to trust that what they say will be true.   Many people tell generic lies every day, but very few people say I promise anymore and even fewer go back on a promise.   I had a friend go back on a promise the other day, but it was not a surprise when she did not follow through on the promise, because she has said she would do this before and did not follow through so the words I promise to that statement did not convince me she would do it. lol

     I have another friend that makes promises she does not keep all the time also.   My point here is why say I promise if you are not going to do it.   It shows you have no honor when you break a promise.   When you say the words I promise it is supposed to mean something.   It should mean you can be trusted to do what you say you will.  

     I will not pretend I have never broken a promise, BUT the one I did I thought about for 2 days before I broke it.   Did I hurt my honor?   Maybe a little bit , but I feel the reason I did it was for the greater good and I would do it again in the same circumstances.   I had reason to believe a child would have been in danger if I had not told what the mother told me not to tell, so after 2 days of arguing with myself about what was the right thing to do, I told the father what the mother told me, even though I had promised the mother I would not.   Fact is it is never good to break a promise, BUT sometimes to break it is the lesser of 2 evils if someone would be hurt if you kept the promise.

     The thing is one needs to think about it before they break a promise not just say I promise I will do something with no intention of  doing what you promised to do, because the person you promise will be hurt if you do not keep your word.

      I have a brother-in-law who is really great USUALLY!   But a few minutes ago he did something that really made me angry.   My sister called me because she forgot to call me back last night when she had to get off the phone with me when he called for her.   We were talking for a couple min today, and he came in and asked her who she was talking to she said it was me and I heard him say WHAT FOR?.   My anger went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds.    I told my sister I DO NOT NEED A REASON TO TALK TO MY SISTER THAT SHE WAS MY SISTER BEFORE SHE WAS HIS WIFE.   She called me back and apologized about what he said.   I told her I make a allowances for the rare occasion he acts rudely, because he is usually good to me and rarely acts like this.   HOWEVER  to imply I need any reason to talk to my sister is wayyyyyyyyy out of line and I told her he needs to not take that attitude with me again or I will have to give him a reality check like I did my brother a few years ago.  

     The problem with trying to teach him the same lesson I taught my brother in the way I taught it to him may not be a good idea.   Fact of the matter is my sister and brother-in-law are very good to me and I do appreciate it.   If I tried to give him a reality check like I did my brother it may not get the effect I want.   He may see it as me being ungrateful for all they do for me, and that is not what it is.    I told my sister that implying I need a reason to talk to my sister will not be tolerated, and if he keeps that up it could get ugly.  

     I realize he is stressed out too he does not have a lot of family left and the ones he has are ill, so yea he is under a lot of pressure.   I have been quite stressed out myself, and 2 stressed people together is never a good combination.   I cried a little at his attitude, but I may have a better way to deal with this.    First I may let karma deal with his messed up attitude to me.   Karma always settles the score and equalizes things.  To add some guilt to this thing , because my sister said she told him about the way he acted and he said he thought she had already talked to me ( if that were true then I could see where the attitude came from they were wanting to mow the grass before the rain) to add to the guilt he will probably feel I think I will get them something nice for their wedding  anniversary next month.    You all may not be aware of this but sometimes a well placed present is a more effective weapon the a gun.   It is all in the timing.  If someone treats you bad and you give them a present after they do it makes them feel ashamed of themselves for treating you bad when you clearly love them or you would not have gotten them a present.    Some of you may not believe it to be true, but I assure you it is.   You would be surprised what kind of  contrition you can get out of someone that did you wrong if you just give them a well timed present after they do.   They start beating themselves up for acting that way IF THEY LOVE YOU TOO.   Very soon they are treating you great again and you do not have to fight with them to get them to see what they did.   ONE WORNING ON THIS:  It only works on people that really care about you in their hearts.   If the person never really liked you and was just putting on an act, the gesture  will be wasted.  

     An important thing to remember if someone acts in a way that is not in keeping with their core character, there may be something weighing heavily on their mind that has them stressed to the max too.   My brother-in-law is not the type to talk about his feelings when he is stressed out.   He keeps it all inside.   I think that is a learned behavior because of his mother.   She had a couple of nervous breakdowns.   One such break happened after the death of her youngest son.    He fell out of the car when it made a turn in the days before seat belts, and his head struck the road and killed him.   As I am told that was when she had her first break.   I was told she had at least 2 more after that, and I think my brother-in-law kept things to himself so as to not upset his mom.   I think he was scared she would have another one.     I will forgive my brother-in-law, because he makes it worth my wild to do so he is really good to me USUALLY. but that does not negate the fact his words hurt today.   It would help a lot if he himself has apologized, but I have NEVER know him to do so, and do not anticipate that changing any time soon.   Bottom line when you love someone you accept them the way they are.

     Never underestimate the power of taking even just one day for yourself when your stress gets too high.   It is amazing what one day of you time can do for your mood.   I had planned just such a day for myself today.   I made it clear to everyone I was not going to be on line and for everyone to leave me alone.   I was so stressed out last night if my brain had been a computer processer it would have burned out last night it was so overloaded.   I had planned to just lay around sleep and watch tv today.   YEA RIGHT.  One of my associates called me just as I was about to dose off, and not wanting to be rude I took time from my day off to talk to him.   I do not know what was more upsetting that he interrupted my down time or the fact he fell asleep on the phone mid way through the conversation.   As far as I know he is still asleep as he did not seem to notice I hung up the phone yet.   At least he did not call back to see why I hung up or to say sorry for falling asleep on me after he interrupted my day off.

     There are times that we all need to get away from those things that stress us out even if they are our friends or family.  There is nothing wrong with running away from it all for a little while, as long as you remember one thing you can not really run away from things that are stressing you out. Your best bet is to go clear your head then come back and deal with the things that caused the stress in the first place.   The time away from the things that are overloading your mind helps you to see clearer.   With a clear head you are more able to see ways to get rid of the stresses all together.  

     Any one that has know me for any period of time knows if you tell me not to tell something I WILL NOT TELL IT.    BUT if I am not told not to tell it I am do not think it is a secret and may tell it.    So everyone remember if you want me to keep something you tell me to myself I will IF YOU TELL ME NOT TO TELL IT.   BUT you MUST tell me NOT to tell it to have it locked in as a secret NEVER TO BE TOLD you must say DO NOT TELL.   

     What annoys me is when someone gets mad when I say something I WAS NOT TOLD NOT TO TELL.   I felt like I had committed some kind of a crime, because I said something I did not know was a secret in the first bloody place.   I realize we are all under a lot of stress and on edge, but upsetting each other will not help our stress levels.

     On an unrelated subject bug still keeping with the stress level thing.   If any of you get that fbi virus that is going around make really sure you get all of it out.   My friend got it he though he had it all out and we found out today IT WAS NOT ALL OUT it was just hiding in his hard drive.   We now feel we will have to format the whole computer to get rid of it for good.   The problem is he is one of my special needs people and he is really stressed out when he can not use his computer.   It is his primary source of  socializing.  I was trying to help him with it earlier and he would not listen to what I told him to do to try to get rid of it so I got frustrated and told his mom she and I would work on it when he was not around..   I love the boy so much but times he works my last nerve.   I will be so happy when some of this stress lets up.  

     The important thing to remember about friends is they can work your nerves and make you want to shake them a little( Just till their brain starts running again lol), but if they really are your friend and you really love them you will forgive some of the stupid things they say and do when they are stressed and still love them .

     Did you ever have one of those days when it started way too early and ran way too long and was not much fun in between.   Today was one of those days.  I never went to bed toil 5 am, and was back up at 8 am.   They were spraying the house for roaches.   I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT NOT ONLY DO I NOT HAVE ROACHES BUT THERE HAS NOT BEEN ANY ROACHES IN THIS UNIT IN THE PAST 20 YEARS, but they still spray every 6 months.   However we do have other things ants , and spiders especially. THEY DO NOT SPRAY FOR THEM.   Leave it to the government to do things that make no sense.   We have been complaining about the spiders as you  may have noticed in an earlier blog that I have been spider bit again, so I make a point of showing the exterminators my bite and the scars I have from other spider bites over the years.   They told me they will be back in a couple weeks to spray for spiders.  

      I thought I was going to get some sleep after they left. That was not to be.   A friend of mine called and asked me what I was doing and if I could help her with her sons computer, which I did.   This friend has been very good to me and I could not tell her no.   I spent 3 and a half hours working on it.   I HATE NORTON it is so hard to get out.  I missed General Hospital and it was to a good point too because I was working on the computer.   Then I went outside for a while and hung out with  my neighbors.   My neighbor is a great cook   too great lol we are all gaining weight.   Then I came home to eat and watched a movie before trying to run some tournaments on line.    

      Just as I got on line my friend  with the computer problems called again.   He could not find the ie short cut on his desk top and I had a bad time finding it to, but what was irritating is they needed help in the middle of me getting ready to close my tourney, but I stopped what I was doing to find it for him.   I did not even have that done till he started on about a song he wanted to find.   He is relentless when he gets obsessed like that.   I thought I was gonna get off the net and kick back round 10 that is not happening either, because 2 of our staff members are running more tourneys.    I will be so glad when Friday gets here and my day off is finally here.  It need it.  

     I just got an im from one of the ha's saying she would be unreachable for the next couple days.   No surprise there lol , and now I got another im I am not too thrilled with, but I will not go into that one atm.    Yea this has been a crappy day all over the place.   

      It is days like these that make me wonder if anyone would miss me if I were gone, and if they did if it would be becaus3e they love me or because I was not there to do things for them.     I am reminded of a quote someone once gave me " Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn."