jane_and.the_dragon

     Today is really incongruous.    I woke up to clouds everywhere.   Normally I hate clouds, but for some reason today I feel like singing and smiling.     It is very incongruous for me.   I am not sure why things are like this but I plan to ride my emotional high as far as it will take me.   For so long I felt like Alice in wonderland now I feel more like Marry Poppins always looking on the bright side.   I got time to do so many things I been putting off now.   I have 4 books in various stages .   

     Sometimes the best way to find what your heart needs is to let go of what you once believed you wanted, and in doing so you open your heart and mind to something new.   Yay for this incongruous day :) . 

      You ever wish you had a time machine so you could go back in time and stop yourself from doing something or maybe do it different I spend a lot of time thinking about that.   The ironic thing is sometimes even if you did have a time machine you would leave things as they were, because even if changing them would make now easier, it could make you loose yourself.   Let me give you an example do you remember the first terminator movie?   Remember where she finds out her sons best friend in the future is his daddy.   The writers of that did not have a clue.   For him to get into the future the first time he before time travel was invented someone else would have had to have been his dad.   Which means when his friend stepped in to be his dad which means he would not have been the same person he was the first time he went back in time.   Sometimes the past is not men to be changed.  

     With July 4 Th. just around the corner my mind drifts back nearly 2 decades to another independence day.   I was at my sisters along with 2 of her kids and my 2 brothers and their family's.   We were all supposed to go to a family reunion on my mom's side of the family.  We decided not to go, and stayed at my sisters.   Back in those days cell phones were not as widespread as they once were so no one had them in my family at the time.   About 2 hrs. later my sisters oldest daughter showed up.   Her and her boyfriend had went to the reunion and when we did not show she came to see why.

     When they came they had some news that should have been really good news, but we did not take it as good well.   Her boyfriend had given her an engagement ring.   It was a beautiful ring and my niece was very happy.   My sister and I looked at the ring and my niece smiling in joy, but we could not be happy.    You see my sister some other family members and I had all seen what my niece could not see because she was blinded by love.   What had happened just a week before made it impossible fir my  sister and I to be happy.    The week before he had spent an hour long distance on the phone with her boyfriend while he browbeat her about was she seeing anyone else even when she told him the only ones there were her mom and her brother.   He would not take her word there was no one else.   I had said to her at the time why do you want to be with a guy that does not trust you?   She tried to defend him she said it was her sister he did not trust.   I said bull when he first asked the question it may have been because he did not trust your sister but when he did not take your word there was no one HE DID NOT TRUST YOU. 

     His behavior was like an abusive personality and after spending years seeing my aunt being abused I did not want to see it happen to my niece.   The odd thing is when someone loves someone or thinks they do the more you try to tell them they are bad the more they will feel the need to defend them.   That was what happened the more we tried to tell her he was bad the more we pushed her closer to him.   He was not stupid he knew if he bought her a ring she would be his.    It took nearly3 years of mental abuse and neglect from him before she realized what we tried to tell her was true and she divorced the abusive looser.  

     She is now married to a wonderful guy who had 3 older children from a previous marriage, they have a beautiful little girl of their own and will soon be grand parents.  

      I have a family picture on my wall that was taken on my nieces first wedding day but I had scanned it into my computer and edited her ex husband out of it. lol My niece asked me why I did it and I told her she got rid of him I never liked him in the first place why would I keep him. lol

      People have been telling me for years I need to take time for me.   Well I have thought a lot about it and I think I need to do just that, so I will be taking a few days of me time.   Time to do what I want when I want, Time to spend in my real world, time to think about why my virtual world is no longer making me as happy as it once did.   I once knew a girl who's real name was Heather.   I say it that way because I myself have been known to use the name Heather in one of my screen names.   The real Heather was a lot like me, people with problems were attracted to her, because she would try to help them.   She would disappear from the net for days at a time.   I one time asked her why she did that and she said if she did not people would keep taking and taking till there was nothing left of her to give.   She said she and I were a lot alike and I should learn to do the same thing.

     My father instilled in me a strong sense of commitment.   He said if I took on a job I should finish it that is why I find it hard to walk away even when I am being ripped apart mentally.  Someone said something to me today and the more I thought about it the more I know she was right.   She asked me why I try to help people when I get kicked in the teeth if I do.   I need to think about this, and I need to think about my health and my desires for the future.   If you do not see me do not worry about me, and if you do see me on one of my other ids Please leave me alone, unless I speak to you first.

CHIVALRY: of values (such as loyalty and honor) that knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow : an honorable and polite way of behaving especially toward women.

       It is funny how long past memories will fill you thoughts randomly.   A few minutes ago a teacher at my high school in the 1970's  came to my mind.   Mr. Blascheck was a very proper well dressed good looking man.  He was very calm and well mannered most of the time.   He was however prone to yell at the students if they did not pay attention and give everyone in the class the proper respect.   One day he and another teacher Mr. Checkton were coming up the stairs while me and a few of my friends were going down the stairs.   Mr. Blascheck and Mr. Checkton stepped gallantly to the side to allow us girls to pass.   As we walked past Mr. Blascheck said chivalry is not dead, to which Mr. Checkton replied no but it has taken a beating.

     Were Mr. Blascheck around today I fear I would have to tell him that Chivalry has infract passed away.   Maybe I am showing my age , but I remember a time when men put women's safety first and would protect them  at all costs.   Those days are gone today's men would just as soon throw a women under a bus then protect them.   I do not know when or why it happened but the world is changed for the worst for ever.   It is like the song says " They don't  make men like my daddy anymore."

     If you have never heard that song I will see if I can find it and put it on my wall.