jane_and.the_dragon

Thank you for the gift i tried to send you a private thank you message but you have your whole site sent do nothing can get through.   If that was not your intent you may want to check it.  You are right I do let people use me sometimes for several reasons.   Some it is because I want them to like me others it is because they had been there for me at times when I really needed then and asked nothing back at the time.  People that are there for me when I need them can get away with a lot more then those that have never done anything but brought me pain.  Your advice about getting rid of people that bother you is not always so easy.  Sometimes there are reasons you are forced to deal with someone that bothers you in order to get something you want of a greater value to you.   I will give you and example:  When I was first out of high school I had a hard time getting a job because I had no experience. The first person to give me a job was awful to work for, but I had to put up with her so I could get money for food and shelter.  Eventually I did manage to find a way away from her, but it took time.  As to my spelling lol I never spelled well and the quotes are a way of emphasizing the word.   If you try to catch all my spelling errors you will never leave the computer, because I make a lot of them.

Thank you again for the gift it was very sweet.

   I took a walk today in an area I used to walk in a lot when my niece was little.   I used to take groups of the neighbors kids on what I called nature walks.   We would walk through the surrounding neighborhoods.   We would take pictures and smell flowers.   I never allowed the kids to pick them they had to bend over if they wanted to smell them.   The people in the area we used to walk in all knew me back then and they knew the kids that came with me would not damage their plants.   They knew I would not allow it so they did not mind if they came right up on their lawns to smell the flowers or have a picture taken.   Today I was back in that area for the first time in 2 years.   I stopped walking there when I could no longer find children that were willing to listen and not destroy things.   We (3 of my friends and I ) turned the corner from the ally at the end of the street to go up the street I used to make so many trips on.   The first thing I saw when I turned was what was left of the once big beautiful shade tree in the back yard of the corner house.   All the branches had been cut off there was not one single leaf left on it.   In days gone bye that tree had a tire swing hanging on it, and a lot of shade under it.   I guess when the kids grew up they decided they did not need a tire swing anymore.   There had been quite a bit of pruning along this road.   Some of it was nice and looked good some of it was a reallllllly bad idea.   One of the saddest things was the fence post was gone.   Mid way up the road there used to stand 1 lone split rail fence post with 4 rails coming out or the sides to the ground, and a flower bed behind it.   It was a great place to take pictures, and if I was still making the walks I would miss it very much.

     I should have known things on that road were going to start changing about 5 years ago when some new people moved into a house that had been vacant all summer.   That house had the BEST pare tree I have ever seen in the back yard.   The pares were sweet and juicy.   They just melted in your mouth and the juice trickled down the back of your throat.   The day I saw it was gone I wanted to cry.   The previous owners had allowed me and the kids to go pick pares any time I wanted, because they knew I would not allow the kids to tare up the tree.   I may have a clue why they cut it down.   After the house standing empty all summer the fruit from the tree was falling to the ground making a pulpy mess of rotting sweet pare mush.   This very sweet mixture attracted thousands of bees.   I suspect the new owners saw it as more of a liability and a nuisance  then a benefit.   The sad part is if that was why it could have been avoided  had I known.  If the owners would have been willing to work with me I would have cleaned up the mess around the tree so the bees would have left , and I would have done it for nothing more then free pares whenever I wanted them.   I would have went up in the late evening and worked on it after dark so the bees would not be there.   I would have cleaned up all the rotting fruit from the ground and when I had it all cleaned up, I would have gotten the owners to hook up a hose so I could wash the residue away, but that is all speculation on my part.   There could have been a different reason such as maybe they were allergic to it.   If that is so I would not have been able to save it.  I just think it is such a tragic loss.  I have bought pares in the store that were not half as good as these were, and now it is gone.

     I have never done well with change, and sudden changes are the worst.   Lately there has been a lot of changes in my life and I see there may be a couple more down the road.   I have been thinking and thinking, but I am not seeing any way to stop the next change I see in my future.   Well you know what they say that which does not kill you makes you stronger.   I can guaranty the changes in my future will not kill me.   Here lately I have been doing a lot of thinking.   It is so hard to make changes when you do not want to make them, but what you going to do life is all about change.  That which can not evolve to meet the changes in its environment dies.  Dinosaurs could tell you that if they were still here.   I know what you are thinking dinosaurs can not talk , but in all the time between when they were here and now had they evolved they may speak real words by now had they lived.

     Yea change is one thing no one can escape.   Mountains ware away into dust.  Flat areas become mountains.   People are born they grow up get married have kids only to grow old and die.   The world is constantly changing, and you either change with it or you die.   As for me I am getting more exercise  this year, and I am thinking about writing another book.   Not many people know this because they are not published but I have written 3 books already and am working on 2 more.   Ironic is it not  my spelling is not good and I write. lol   The thing is someone came up with a great little thing called spell check.   ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IF YOU WANT THEM BAD ENOUGH AND YOU ARE WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET THEM, because the things constantly change. 

     Have you ever stopped to realize more people die from things inside their bodies then those outside.   Think about it.   I myself only know 2 people that died of gunshot, and 2 that died of car accident.   I know one that hung himself.  These are all things that come from outside your body.   I knew well over 50 people that have died from diseases inside their body.  One died from a broken infected gallbladder that she could have been cured of had she had the operation to remove it.   She died way too young because she failed to realize the danger of the infection growing inside her.   She left behind 4 offspring.   The youngest was a 10 year little girl who is now growing up without her mom.  Then there are all the people I know who have died of cancer.  Cancer is something that runs in both sides of my family and I have lost many relatives to it including my mother.   My father died of a heart attack.   Again he was killed from inside his body.   The interesting thing about that is 40 years before his actual death an army doctor gave him only a year to live and he lived 40.   Just goes to show what a strong will to survive can do for you.

     The real tragedies are those who know there is something wrong inside their body and do nothing to find it and try to fix it, because they are doomed.   More often then not people could be made well again and live long lives if they just saw the disease, parasite, or infection for what it was and got it taken care of  instead of ignoring the signs till it is too late to heal the malady for what it is.   I always know if something is not right with my body.  I may not know without a doctor what it is but I always know if there is something wrong.

     People are so afraid of germs today.   The sanitizer and disinfectant businesses are making millions working on peoples paranoia about germs.   What they do not tell you is: every time you use one of these things it does not kill all the germs and the ones that escape become immune to the product meant to kill them so the next generation is stronger and immune to the sanitizer or disinfectant.   You are also making your own immune system weaker when you use these things because when our bodies get germs inside them and we do not die from them our immune system gets stronger, because it has fought off that germ.  I am originally from the mountains, we would often go out to the garden and pull a vegetable wipe the dirt if any off with our hands and eat it without even going in to wash it.   It did not kill us it gave us healthy immune systems largely because we did not use all the pesticides the big companies of today do.   We had chickens and pigeons that ate most of the bugs around our house.  ( Cute side bar about the pigeons because that is not something you see a lot of in the mountains.   My big brother got the first 2 from a teacher when he was in high school.   Their parents had made a nest in his yard and he did not want them to stay so he brought the babies to school to find them a new home.   When he asked the class if anyone wanted them my brother took them.   The poor little things rode around in the trunk of my brothers car for hrs till he remembered they were there at 10:00 at night.   He ran out to get them and when he brought them in they were still alive.   My mom took one look at them and told him they are too little to eat on their own.   You should have seen my mom and my brother crunching up corn really fine and holding the chicks beaks open and forcing the food down their throats.   It may not have been the best way to foster baby birds BUT it worked they both grew up and stayed.   Well Singing Sam stayed unfortunately the girl got caught by a hawk not long after they started flying and dad had to get Singing Sam a new mate.  By the time we left there the flock was over 100 pigeons. My dad loved to watch them fly.   Some even had feathers on their feet we never did figure that out as neither Singing Sam or the girl neither one had feathers on their feet.)

     Back to the point of this blog now:   People spend too much time worrying about things on the outside of their body causing them to die.   They should worry about the infection inside the body killing them.   

     Yea this was a little morbid but memorial day is coming up so why not talk about how to keep more people from dyeing?    You all drive save because even though car crashes will not kill you as often as the things you put inside your body.   On holidays you are facing BOTH the car on the outside of your body and the alcohol on the inside of the body of the person that may hit you.

     Have you ever wondered why the human animal responds to the baser emotions far faster then they do the higher more valuable ones?   Is it because we lack the drive to climb the mountain to the higher level?   Is it because we are lazy and only seek what comes easy?  Is it because we are afraid to fall from a higher height?

     Anger, Envy, Jealousy, Greed,  it is so easy for us to fly into these emotions.   They are all right there at our finger tips every day.  Understanding, Compaction, Gratitude, Loyalty, these are all things that happen on a higher brain level and are of greater value to the receiver.   We fail to see anything further away then our own feelings at the time.   I keep thinking about that line from a Christmas Carol.   The happiness he gave was just as great as if it cost a thousand pounds.  So few of us really realize what just a couple nice words will do to make another have a joyous day.

     I was this very night enjoying the night air with some friends, while keeping a mindful watch on the time.   I nearly came home at 8:50 but I stopped to finish one last story before I made my departure for the night.   I hurried home to attend to something for a friend.   Having completed my mission only a few minutes behind time, I expected to see joy on my friends face at my achievement, because my efforts aided in my friends completion of a task which had been planned for some time.   I was very surprised to be greeted not with a smile and a thank you, but rather I was greeted with a remark that made me feel like I had done something wrong.   I do not understand it how can helping someone you care about get something they want to do finished earn you their contempt?   I felt as though my friend was angry at me for trying to help.

     Here is my problem do I allow my hurt feelings cause me to act in a less obliging manner the next time, or do I just chalk it up to my friend having a bad day and forget it ever happened.  It may be easier to just forget it if this kind of thing had not been happening more often lately.

     You want to know what my biggest personality problem is of all and I have many. lol?     My biggest personality flaw is my total inability to forget anything that has ever hurt me in my life.   People tell me to forget things and move on I can not I can forgive but I can not forget.    Like the saying says I will forgive but I never forget because I do not want to be hurt the same way twice.

     Have you ever noticed how children have a way of getting your attention?   I was reminded this morning of something that happened when my friend's son was about 3 years old.  My friend all her sisters, her mother and I were all standing around the tv in her mom's living room watching General Hospital on the tv.   It was getting to a really good spot when my friends little boy stepped past us all, and none of us noticed what he was about to do.   He reached up and shut the tv off.   We all came out of the trance we were in from the drama on the tv when the screen went black.   At the same time we all went AWWWWWWW.   He just smiled when his mom said to him ATTENTION GETTER.   We turned the tv back on , but the thing we were waiting to see had already passed.   Needless to say after that we watched what he was doing when her son was roaming around.   Kids will always find a way to get your attention if they want it.

     I do not want anyone to think this little boy was ignored in any way shape of form.   It was just this was one of those scenes that grabs your attention,    That is why we were standing around the tv instead of sitting, part of us were on our way out to do other things.    I am thinking he did not like the delay and thought he would hurry us along lol.   You got to love kids.