TO UNDERSTAND THIS YOU WILL NEED SOME KNOWLAGE OF ACIENT POEMS, BUT I LIKE IT.  I HAVE NO CLUE WHY THAT FIRST LINE LOOKS OUT OF LINE , BUT NOTHING I TRIED WOULD FIX IT.

To A Mouse, On Turning Her Up In Her Nest With The Plough

     We have all heard art imitates life.    I have been thinking about that a lot lately.   I was napping the other day and when I woke up there was a sit com on my tv.   From time to time if I fall asleep with the tv on things from the tv will creep into my dreams and make for some weird dreams.   That was not what was happening this day.   It was funny I woke up at a key point in the show, and I was like wow something similar happened to me.   This makes me wonder how it is that the writers of these shows come up with things that will strike notes in our minds or lives.   Could it be they have had similar things happen to them and they draw from their life experiences.  If that is the case then it is defiantly art imitating life.   Or are these shows just random imaginations from the writers mind.   Or could it be something deeper maybe all man are connected in a way we do not even know and somehow our thoughts and feelings are transmitted to others without our knowing it or is it just blind coincidence that will have something show up on tv just as you were thinking about it or something similar?  

     I thought it was weird this tv show was so clear and I was able to use it to sort some things out in my own mind.   By using a 5 minute segment of a sit com.   lol or maybe it is just my life should be a sitcom lol I do not know.   I just wish warmer weather would get here so I did not have to spend so much time inside with the tv.

     March 3 was my birthday.   I am now 57 years old lol yea I know I am older then dirt.   All in all it was a pretty good birthday.   All my real friends and some of my family showed up and some brought me things.   The first thing I got came Saturday it was a card from the friend I have had the longest.   Cindy and I started  school together and we have been friends ever sense.   We do not talk often these days but when we do talk we talk for hrs, but we always remember the Birthdays.   Then I got the presents from Ed and his family.  You all should see the beautiful moonstone necklace he sent me .  His mom got me orange nail polish cause I looooove orange there were other things but I am not going to list everything.   Then my friend Becky stopped by the house and we had a long chat and a nice visit.   Becky is another of those people that always remembers my birthday  I have know her sense she was a kid.   My friend Paula called me to come to her house and she had cake and more presents for me. including a dancing flower and a magnetic hematite bracelet.   While I was visiting with Paul my niece Samantha came by and I missed her  but she left me a shamrock shake and a card from her parents with a couple lottery tickets in it.   One of them was a winner I won $20.   I also got calls from both my sisters one of my other nieces and my nephew.   The day ended with a series of birthday tourneys with my pool league.   Even though it rained a large part of the day it was still a really nice birthday.   I believe you got to Accentuate the Positive eliminate the Negative.   Waa the day perfect no, no day is perfect, but it was pretty good, and even the rain clouds  that hung over my head today could not bring down my mood.   I just smiled most of the day. Now I am hungry again wonder if it would be a bad idea to eat the rest of my cake?   It is only 1 am lol.

      There is nothing like a true tragedy to make you realize everything else is just is not as important as you thought it was.   I saw Leonard Nimoy died today at the age of 83.   He left us far too soon, but what will never leave us is his place in our hearts.   Those of you that know me know I am a mess.   This is not something new I have always been that way.   The year I started 9th grade we had just moved to a new school district and I did not have any friends at school.   We lived out in the country and our nearest neighbor was a half a mile away.   I was not a pretty girl and I often got called names  and was even spat on by one of the kids I went to school with.   The only thing that kept me from doing what so many kids that are bullied do was Star Trek.   It was in reruns back then and came on at a time that if I hurried from the school bus I could get home in time to watch on the old black and whit tv I had in my room.   I never missed an episode.   When the kids at school would pick on me I would pretend I was like Mr Spock and turn my emotions off so they could not see how hurt  I was.   If it were not for that show and me trying to be like Spock I do not know where I would be today.  

     I was so excited when I heard he wrote a book YOUR AND I  was the name of it.   I wanted it so bad.   My sister bought it for me for my birthday that year and I read it cover to cover in that one night.   I made a big mistake when I took it with me to school and someone stole it from my book bag while I was in gym class.      I watched him on anything I could find him on.   When he wrote I AM NOT SPOCK I had to have it.  I read it cover to cover too.   I know the critics  were not fond of that book but I loved it.   I thought it was genius  to have Leonard Nimoy the actor having a conversation with Mr Spock the character.   It illustrated the duality and conflict one may feel when they are identified with 2 different personas.   I also have a hard cover of I am Spock but have not had time to finish reading it yet.  

     When I was in 10th grade Mr Nimoy came to a collage not far from my home.   I really wanted to go see him in person, but my mother explained we did not have the transportation for me to do that.

     I have heard it said if you love someone even if they get old and wrinkly you do not see that when you look at them. You see the young person you first fell in love with.   I know that is true because when I looked at Leonard Nimoy I never saw the wrinkles forming on him.   He was young and handsome like he was when I first saw him.  

     The entertainment field lost a true treasure today, and he will be badly missed.  When he would smile it made you want to smile too.

     I loved nearly everything he did except 1 movie a movie called Catlow.    It was a western.   The part he played in it was a very underdeveloped part and could have been removed from the movie without any loss to the movie.

     So lets all remember Leonard Nimoy and his family  in our thoughts.  

  This week I have felt like I was standing in the middle of a hurricane.  I have been pulled and pushed in all directions at one time.   Like I have no control over anything anymore.   That harsh winds are pushing against me to where I can hardly stand.  What I thought I had built to be strong and lasting in my life seems to be being swapped away from me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.   I feel like everything that gave me peace and security and made me strong is being torn away.   I feel like my heart is broken.   I have cried enough  in the past 3 days to fill a water bucket, and I am still crying.   It hurts so bad when you desperately want someone you care about to understand where you are coming from and they do not.   It always hurts the worst when someone you love and respect does you wrong.  It makes you doubt your worth in the world and wonder why they do not value you as much as you do them.   If it seems as though my thoughts are jumping all over the place it is because they are.  These hurricane winds hurt so bad and I do not know if I will ever be able to find my way back to solid ground if they stop.

     I think now I know how Maleficent felt the morning after, when she woke up without her wings.    The only thing left to figure out now is if I will be able to contain my eviler side.   It will not be easy as a big part of what kept me balanced I fear may have been blown away in these hurricane winds that have sat down on my little world.  I do not know what to do but if you do not see me again you will know I did not find anything I could hold onto that was strong enough to keep me from being swept  away.  I do sometimes wonder if anyone will miss me if I am gone.   There are times I feel some would like to pry loose my tenuous grip on what makes me happy, and just let me drop into the bottomless pit of  disappear.