jane_and.the_dragon

     Halloween is around the corner and it brings back some memories to me, not all of  which were good.   We grew up very rural and our nearest neighbor was about a mile away so the community really did not do the trick or treat thing.   My first Halloween costume for the school party was a pink princess gown.   Fourth grade I was super girl.    Those are the only 2 costumes I remember having.  

     We had moved to a more populated area in 4th grade, and all the kids had told me about our next door neighbor Mrs. O'Conner.   They said she always gave out good things.    That year was our first experience with something called racking.   For those of you who do not know what racking is it is when they take shelled field corn and throw it on your porch before Halloween.   My parents hated it and had yelled at the kids for doing it several times.   The kids did not pay any attention so one night when they started racking my dad took his gun out into the yard and shot it into the air.   He yelled the next damn person to throw corn on his porch was getting shot.   Needless to say they stopped that night.   Dad would never have shot a kid but the threat worked.   The ironic thing is another neighbor was going to do the same thing but dad beat him to it.

     They did start racking again the next night.   My parents came up with an idea to get even with the kids that had thrown the corn.    They had taken special notice of who was throwing the corn, and Halloween night my parents had their own trick for these kids.   My parents bought a bunch of peanut butter kisses to hand out.   Part of the kissed had a surprise.   My parents removed part of the peanut butter and loaded the centers with hot pepper.   Every kid that came to our door for trick or treat had to take their mask off before they were given any candy.   The children that had not been involved in the corn throwing were given the good untouched candy, and the ones that had thrown the corn were given the hot pepper loaded candy.   They wanted to play tricks well they got the trick turned around on them.   The odd thing was not one kid ever mentioned getting hot pepper peanut butter kisses that year.

     I really wanted to trick or treat that year.   I wanted it so bad I begged my mom to just allow us to go to one house the next door neighbor all the kids  had talked about for weeks.    Mom would not let us go.   I remember I cried I wanted it so bad.  That was a really bad year for me it was also the year my mom finally let me know the truth about a couple fantasy figures most kids believe in.   I wonder if parents realize when they do things like this to kids they are messing them up.

     I finally got to live my trick or treat dreams vicariously  when my niece got old enough for me to take her trick or treating.   It was not exactly like if I had been able to go myself as a kid, but it was the next best thing.

     My neighbors daughter was terrified of old man masks.   She had been frightened by one when she was a baby and it stuck with her.   When she was 9 or 10 years old I finally got her over the fear.   A couple of her friends had old man masks.   She freaked out when she saw the coming toward her.   I made them take the masks off to see it was her friends .   Then I told them to let her feel the masks.   Once she realized they were rubber she was not afraid of them anymore.   People need to realize young children may be traumatized but the trappings of Halloween we take for granite.   We need to realize children have not developed the ability to tell fact from fiction like an adult does.   Be safe and have fun this holiday season.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE.

     Lies most of us tell them for one reason or another.   I myself have told a few in my time.   There are as many reasons for lies are there are lies that could be told.   There is always one problem with all lies and that is someone always knows the truth.   It is human nature to tell someone what you have done even if it was wrong and all it takes is for that person to get mad at you for the truth to come out.

     People will tell lies to try to protect someone's feelings.  They may say,  That is a beautiful dress.  When in reality it looks like a feed sack.   Or they may say no that make up is not too dark, when they really look like a clown.   One may say I am ill to get out of going to work or doing something they do not wish to do.   They may say they need you when what they need is your contacts to make their business grow.  They will tell you what you want to hear only to go back on it later.    Guys lie to get girls to do what they want them to do.   One of the biggest lies is of core I  will respect you if you do.   Lets not forget you can not get pregnant the first time you do it.

     I try not to lie most of the time.   It makes it easier then trying to remember who I told what lie to.   There are times I wish I lived in the old west where a mans word was his bond and a man was only as good as his word.   Or even in the days of   Damon And Pythias .  For those of you not familiar with that reference I will put the story below:

   Damon And Pythias
Author: James Baldwin                 

A young man whose name was Pythias had done something which the tyrant Dionysius did not like. For this offense he was dragged to prison, and a day was set when he should be put to death. His home was far away, and he wanted very much to see his father and mother and friends before he died.

"Only give me leave to go home and say goodbye to those whom I love," he said, "and then I will come back and give up my life."

The tyrant laughed at him.

"How can I know that you will keep your promise?" he said. "You only want to cheat me, and save yourself."

Then a young man whose name was Damon spoke and said,--

"O king! put me in prison in place of my friend Pythias, and let him go to his own country to put his affairs in order, and to bid his friends farewell. I know that he will come back as he promised, for he is a man who has never broken his word. But if he is not here on the day which you have set, then I will die in his stead."

The tyrant was surprised that anybody should make such an offer. He at last agreed to let Pythias go, and gave orders that the young man Damon should be shut up in prison.

Time passed, and by and by the day drew near which had been set for Pythias to die; and he had not come back. The tyrant ordered the jailer to keep close watch upon Damon, and not let him escape. But Damon did not try to escape. He still had faith in the truth and honor of his friend. He said, "If Pythias does not come back in time, it will not be his fault. It will be because he is hindered against his will."

At last the day came, and then the very hour. Damon was ready to die. His trust in his friend was as firm as ever; and he said that he did not grieve at having to suffer for one whom he loved so much.

Then the jailer came to lead him to his death; but at the same moment Pythias stood in the door. He had been delayed by storms and ship-wreck, and he had feared that he was too late. He greeted Damon kindly, and then gave himself into the hands of the jailer. He was happy because he thought that he had come in time, even though it was at the last moment.

The tyrant was not so bad but that he could see good in others. He felt that men who loved and trusted each other, as did Damon and Pythias, ought not to suffer unjustly. And so he set them both free.

"I would give all my wealth to have one such friend," he said.

     That story showed men of their word and how much trust they had in one another.   I used to have a friend such as that till the day she betrayed me.   After that I became somewhat jaded.   Now every time I try to trust someone and they let me down I trust others less.   So you see lies do not just hurt the liar they hurt the one being lied to as well.

     Honesty is always the best option.   Many times people seek to protect ones feelings by hiding the truth, or trying to soften the truth, but they only make things worse when the cold hard truth finally comes out.   I myself would much rather someone tell me the truth if I am doing something that is bugging them, because how is one to change a behavior should they choose to do so if them have no clue what it was they did that bugged you in the first place?  

     I am not like most people in this country.   I am not good with things implied.   I do not do it and I do not understand the meanings when others do it.   It is frustrating to me and those around me when they imply things and I do not understand what they mean.   It would be so much easier on both of us if people would just tell me in plain English if I do something to offend them what I do or if they want me to do something what it is.   When I say something I mean just what I say nothing more nothing less.   Please do not read anything into anything I say if I have not said it, it was not meant by me.   What ever you assume I meant that was not in what I said came out of your head and not my mouth.   If you thought I meant something I did not directly say you should look with in yourself as to why you would assume that.

     I am the first to admit I am a mental mess.   I have panic attacks and agoraphobia so my anxiety runs wild alot.   I also have post traumatic stress disorder thanks to an ex of mine and the mental abuse he heaped on me.    If the right buttons are pushed I can laps into a ptsd flashback which in not good for anyone.    I have mild obsessive compulsive disorder.   Most of the time it does not interfere  with my live, but if my anxiety is high the ocd becomes more active also.   If you see me start straightening things like pictures or things laying on a desk, or if you see me start dusting randomly it is a good sign my ocd is stirred up, and so is my anxiety.   I am a psychic empathy which means I sometimes feel other peoples emotions.   It sucks having an emotion and not being sure if it is yours or if it belongs to someone near you in a group.   As if all that was not bad enough a couple years ago with the help of a friend it may have figured out where a lot of my social problems come from.   I am 80% sure I have Asperger syndrome.   In a way it is a bummer I did not discover this sooner so I could be treated for it, but at the same time it is a very big relief to know that the things I did when I was a kid that others laughed at may have had a reason for them.   It is possible I did not really have control of it.   I will give you an example:   I had a necklace watch it was an old style wind up one.   I would wind it up then I would take it to first my left ear to hear if it was ticking I would then take it to the right ear and listen to it there.  I did this every time I winded it without variance.   My little brother saw me do it one time and he said ,  " Is it ticking in both ears Jane?" then he laughed at me.    Repetitive behavior is a sign of Asperger syndrome, but I did not even know it existed back then.   I think my mom knew there was something wrong with me, but may not have know what.   She was never as hard on me as she was my sisters and brothers.   Which is not to say if I needed disciplined she over looked it.   It was more she chose what she thought was a big enough infraction to warrant action.   When I was a teen I was not easy to get along with.  Like any teen of today I was a little mouthy.    My brother asked my mom one time why she let me get away with talking to her like I did.    She told him, " Because Janie does EVERYTHING I tell her to she may run her mouth , but she does as she is told."    I had to half smile about that answer ,because my brother used to skip school and smoke BOTH things mom did not what him to do.   I was a goody two shoes and my brother was the poster boy for not listening to what he was told.     So yea I am a mental mess, but I am really not so hard to understand if you keep a few things inn mind.   DO NOT READ ANYTHING INTO ANYTHING I SAY ONLY READ MY ACTRAL WORDS, and if you quote me make sure you quote me word for word DO NOT QUOTE YOU READ IN AND CLAIM IT IS MINE.   If you do you can count on my going off.      I always tell people do not lie to me and do not lie on me and we will have no problems.

     Honesty is far less painful then deceit is.   The truth may hurt for a little while , but a lie  will live for a life time.   Plus if you tell the truth you never need to remember who you told what lie to.   The statement honesty is the best policy is very true.

     Is it not interesting how people see you through their prospective rather then how you really are?   I have been told I am self centered that everything is about me,  that I am a complainer, that I am too intense and I need to not take things so serious.   Fact is all of that can be true from time to time, BUT what gets me is the same people that are saying these things are only seeing the negative in me.  There are times I get blamed for things I did not do by people that do not take the time to get to facts straight     For every one that has made those negative comments about me there are 2 others that will tell you how nice and helpful and friendly and what a good listener I am.   It is all in the prospective of the one seeing the situation. 

     Ever stop to think how much  more peaceful the world would be if everyone saw everything exactly the same?    What kills me emotionally is when I am trying to do my best in any given situation and others think I am the worst thing that they have ever seen.  Prospective will cause everyone to see everything differently which is why you rarely see any two people tell the same story when they witness an accident.   I think the world would be a better place if more people would just take the time to ask a few questions and wait for the answers.   Another instalment in the ramblings of Jane and the dragon.

     Irony is a funny thing.   It can pop up anywhere any time.   I find it ironic that in my 10 years on line I have had  4  girls approach me about their men.  HERE IS THE IRONIC PART , I was not involved with any of the guys associated with these 4 girls any more then playing an occasional game of pool with them, and the latest one I was not involved with in any way.    It appears that looking at someone's profile is now some kind of dating foreplay in some girls minds.   I have looked at profiles in rooms sense the old yahoo days and my profile is mostly open to anyone that wants to see it.    FOR THE RECORD I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, but neither he nor I are jealous of anyone the other talks to or anyone that looks at the others profile or anyone that is on the others friends list.   We do not have to be we have something called trust.   When you can trust your other half you do not need to worry about them roaming.   You know they will tell you the truth about any questions you may have if you trust them.   You do not have any need to go asking someone that looks at their profile in passing a bunch of questions to sooth your own insecurity.   You are secure in the love of the other if you trust them.

     It is truly ironic that the girls that have approached me over the years had nothing to worry about I did not want their men.   Why would I when I have one of my own that I CAN TRUST it is a shame that they could not trust theirs as much as I do mine, but that is their problem not mine.   I am going to tell everyone the same thing I told my niece when she and her ex-husband were being all jealous of each other. NO MAN OR WOMAN CAN TAKE A MAN OR WOMAN AWAY FROM A MAN OR WOMAN THEY DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE.   If he leaves you it is because he was not happy with you anymore.    A little foot note no one likes to have someone always being jealous of them if they are not doing anything to cause it.  THINK ABOUT IT.