jane_and.the_dragon

     Some of you may have noticed my friends list on this page is getting smaller.   There is a reason for that.   As of late I have noticed some of the people I once saw as of value in my life were not what they pretended to be.   I find this highly ironic as 2 of these people that I had stood beside and have taken up for against others that were in fact closer to me when I felt they were being attacked wrongly, have themselves turned on me for no reason.   I was in playing last night and I saw in the lobby where someone I had defended and stood behind put me on ignore when I had not said or done anything to her.   That action  would seem to confirm something I had suspected for a couple weeks but could not confirm,.   That she had turned on me long before she put me on ignore.   The irony of this is I had been told by another person who is not on my list anymore and has not ben for nearly a year, this person would turn on me when she was done using me to get what she wanted.   I did not believe it when it was told to me, but apparently it is true.   The actions of last night would tend to point me in that line of thinking.  

     It is funny less then a year ago such things would have made me depressed and insecure.   It no longer does as I have discovered I do not need others for my happiness I can make it myself.   The interesting thing is this reality came out of an emotionally devastating thing that happened nearly a year ago.   I will not go into what it was but it changed my whole out look on the net world and my real world as well.   I have been happier the past 4 months then I had been in the 2 years prior.   I told a good friend of mine I plan to ride this high as far as it will go.   I do not plan to let any of the negativity from the past drag me down again.   That is why I am keeping the grain ( those people that will help to grow my newer happier life ) and getting rid of the chaff ( those people who seek to drag me down and suffocate me with their negativity).  I have decided to allow Karma deal with those negative people as only it can.

     On the subject of Karma dealing with those that spread negativity,   Lets take a look at the first man I ever really loved.    When we met he was 80% of everything I ever wanted in a man.   The other 20% ruined it.    I would have done nearly anything he wanted in the beginning, but in less then 2 years it all went bad.   He mentally messed me up so bad I still have a ptsd reaction to some things, but over time we both found ways of moving on and even becoming friends again.   It was after he met the woman he would have married that Karma stepped in and paid him back for all the bad things he did to me.   It was very sad he died the Friday before Christmas when he was to be wed the following June had he lived.   Ever sense I met him he had been looking to get married again.   He had asked me to marry him before it all went bad, but I was not moving to Cal. and I could not get him to come back to Pa.  We met too late in life I think.   We were both too set in our ways.   Things like moving across the whole country require youth or a love that will overcome anything.   We did not have one that strong if we had he would not have mentally  abused me like he did.   That story proves Karma is the great equalizer, but it does it in its own time not in yours.

     My best advice to EVERYONE is to keep the good grains in your life: the people that are strong and hold you up, those that you can count on to be there when you are at your lowest, those that do not believe lies about you told by people that are jealous of you, those that see you for who you really are and love you just the same.   These are the good grains that will grow your friendship garden strong and prosperous.   Get rid of the chaff: the people that are only there when they need you, but would not be there you needed them, those that are always willing to believe anything negative anyone says about you without question, those that will walk away from you without even a good bye.   These are the people you do not need, because there is nothing to be gained by keeping them around you.   You should only keep those that value you as much as you value them.

     If you check out my picture section on this profile you will find some signs that say it better then I can.   Always remember to separate the grain from the chaff and throw away the chaff.

     I would like to take a few minutes to relay a story my sister told me today that really needs retelling.   As many of you know last week a large section of the eastern USA was hit with a bad winter storm dumping several feet of snow in a lot of places.   The fact that the forefront of the storm was a light powdery show did not help as much of it was blow and drifted into even higher piles.   My brother in law thought he would try to dig his car out of the snow and slipped and fell.   This was sad as he is not a young man anymore and has problems with his legs from time to time anyhow.   He was luckily not hurt badly, but he decided to leave the rest of the snow where it was.   I short time later he heard what sounded to him like someone inside their yard.   He told my sister to have a look and she saw a man his wife and their 2 children shoveling the snow from their side walk.   This family of snow angels shoveled not only my sisters side walks to the doors , but also shoveled the car out.   When my sister asked them if they owed them anything for their efforts they told her no.   They explained they had just moved back to the area and that they were staying with his mother.   They told her they were trying to shovel out as many people as possible.  

     It makes me wanna cry at how nice these people were.   Out of the goodness of their hearts they took it upon them selves to shovel out many people in the neighbor hood, and asked nothing in return.   It makes me feel there is still hope for this world to have people who would go out of their way to help others and expect nothing back.   WHY DOES THE NEWS MEDIA NOT FOCUSE ON SOME OF THESE ACTS WHEN THEY HAPPEN INSTEAD OF ALL THE NEGATIVITY.   Do they not realize by focusing on the bad things people do they are sending a message that bad is noticed and nice is ignored?    I feel if more attention was given to the good things people do there would be more people doing good things.    It is like the song said SURE COULD USE A LITTLE GOOD NEWS TODAY.   Alas the good deeds the people like these show angles do in the world are shadowed by the evil.   Another song says Bad news travels like a wild fire and good news travels slow.   Well I am going to try to make this good news travel a bit faster.   If you like this story feel free to add your own stories of the angles among us that help others without looking for rewards to my page.   I am sure we all would love reading the good news. 

     One should never underestimate the power of true friends.   Real friends can hold you when you are weak lift you up when you fall protect you when you are vulnerable.   True friends will allow you to grow and change.   They will accept if you do something they do not understand that there was a reason for it, and will forgive you if they were accidently hurt by it.   True friends are rare and hard to come by.   Many people call everyone they spend time with their friend.   I do not I have many associates and buddies, but for me to call you friend,  ( and by friend I mean someone that I will always have their back, someone that I will forgive ,someone that is a great value in my life.   Someone I would believe without question.), you must be someone special.   Once I call someone my friend I do not turn on them easily, but there have been a couple cases where I thought someone was my friend and they proved themselves not to be my friend at all.   It was necessary to let them go or on a couple occasions eject them from my life all together and move on.  

     When you find it necessary to get rid of someone you once called friend it is not an easy decision, but with the passage of time I have found my life to be better off without those few I have found were not the friends I once thought them to be.   I do not give up on those I call friend easily.   One fight will not cause me to leave them behind.    I have one friend I have know for nearly a decade.   Over the years she and I have had many fights some little and over in hrs.   Others huge and lasting months.   There is one thing that has always made it so we could find our way back to each other. THE TRUTH She and I do not lie to each other about anything we do to the other.   We have found over the years the truth is the great healer.   I will admit there was one time I nearly let her go forever, but it was her willingness to do whatever it took to help me forgive her that brought her back into my life.  She had broken a promise to me.   I RARELY FORGIVE A BROKEN PROMISE!  An ordinary lie I can forgive with an apology a broken promise where one actually said the words I PROMISE I do not forgive easily and usually not at all.   What made her special and gave me the forgiveness I needed to allow her back into my life was she went the distance to do everything I asked her to for me to forgive her.   She valued my friendship enough to do the things I needed to open my heart back up to her.   I will admit id did not make it easy on her, but she did it all and in doing so she made me see to lose a friend such as her would be a great loss in my life.    It turned out really well.  She is still my friend and I am lucky to have her.   I can only hope all of you find a friend that values you so much, and if you do NEVER LOSE THEM.

     Back on the subject of broken promises.   I have had 2 others break promises to me over the years and they are no longer a part of my life.   There is still a slim chance they could make their way back into my life, but they would need to prove to me it would be worth my effort to forgive them.   My advice is if someone hurts you but apologizes it is good to give them a second chance, however if they screw up the second chance they may not value you as much as you once did them.  

     An on line tip:   I have had some on line people I added to my buddy list over the years, and I found out some of them are net stalkers not what I would call friends.   Many of you know I have many other on line ids and I use other names with them.   Some of my ids are what people call hiders.   A hider is an id you use to go somewhere and play without having to deal with the stressful people on your other ids.   There are a couple of these net stalkers that make it their life's mission to hunt all over the net and try to find my other ids.   It is annoying when they actually find one of them and blow my cover, but what is funny is when they THINK they have found one of mine AND THEY DID NOT.   Maybe it is naughty of me but on occasion I have left them THINK they found me when they did not.   I figure if they are annoying the person they think is me then I can go an play and enjoy myself without them.  lol  It is always funny when people are not as smart as they think they are.  

     You need to be careful who you call friend on the net.   Many people lie about who they are, and things in their lives.   I myself have even done it on occasion, but my real friends always know the truth about me.   Those that have proven themselves to me and I know I can trust them they need only ask and I will tell them whatever they wish to know.   If you are one of those that have not seen that side of me perhaps you should take a look at the side of you that you have been showing me for the reason why.

     One should not call everyone they talk to their friend.   I have told people in my real life that very thing.   Just because I talk to someone does not mean I call them friend.   MY FRIENDS ARE THE PEOPLE I SAY ARE MY FRIENDS, not all the people I talk to.   I will talk to nearly anyone if they are civil with me.   Humans need other human contact and sometimes our real friends are not available.   There is nothing wrong with talking to someone even if you do not call them friend.  Just be careful what you say to people you are not sure you can trust.   I found that out the hard way.

     Have you ever noticed when people are lonely it sometimes makes them desperate?   There was someone in my life for many years I loved like a son.    In the beginning he was awesome but in the past couple years something has happened to his personality.   He has became very lonely and it is making him desperate to find love.   He has taking to e-stalking girls on the net, and lying about things in his life to try to make himself seem more interesting and exciting.   Desperation is a funny thing it will wipe out all common sense.   I am not just saying this to be judgmental.   I myself went through a desperate stage about a decade ago and it nearly killed me literally.   My friend is making a mess of his life and he does not see it.   My problem is he is trying to take those of us that were still his friends down with him, and in doing so losing the few real friends he still had.

     I do not appreciate people assuming things about me I never have.   He was apparently put on ignore by someone in a pool room tonight and without even asking me he assumed the id was mine and that I had put him on ignore.   No one screams at me and gets away with it so I yelled back at him and then hung up on him.   A few minutes ago he accused me of having someone we both know doss his computer because it is not working right.   The ironic thing is not only did I not do that, but the person he was talking about has not even been on line for nearly a week and I am starting to worry about him.   I realllllllllllly hate being accused of things I did not do.  

     I asked my friend what kind of drug he took to make him act like he has been he said none.   I am having trouble believing him.   I have been told for the past 3 days he has been hanging around a pool room making an ass of himself in the lobby.   He would never have done that a few years ago.   I was told his g/f dumped him for another guy.   Well is it any wonder if he has been acting like that with her, but there is one thing to remember.   It may be popular to blame someone else when you lose your g/f or b/f  but the bottom line is NO GUY OR GIRL WILL EVER LEAVE A GUY OR GIRL THEY DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE.   When the one you think you love leaves you for someone else you really need to take a long hard look at yourself to see what you did that made this other person more desirable to them.

     What kills me though is how many truly unfulfilled people their is on the net.  People that are all wrapped up in other peoples business when they were not asked to be.   I used to be sort of like that ,but I have lately became interested in old hobbies like drawing and painting.   I spend more time doing these hobbies and less time on the net.  A lot of people have nothing better to do with their lives then to try to cause trouble for people they claim to be their friends.   These are not real friends and should be discarded as soon as possible.