jane_and.the_dragon

      I have a friend that sits around listening to different opinions on u tube I know this because I can hear them playing in the background while we are on Skype.   As I listen to everyone opinions on everything and most of them are people whining about how mistreated every group on the face of the planet are by everyone else.   People are finding the stupidest things offensive.   They are getting mad about things that are not even detrimental.   I think they need to  grow a damn skin and quit being such cry babies.   One of the things that makes me the maddest is when someone cries sexist or racist to things that are so not even either.   I will give you an example so you understand what I mean :   A few years ago I worked with an organization  that ran a community hall/recreation center .   We had made a rule children were not allowed in the toy closet without an adult.   This rule had been made after the children had torn up the closet a couple times and we had to clean it up.   We decided to make the rule that children must have an adult when they got something from the game closet.   I was in the computer lab and heard a lot of noise from the next room.   I went to see what was going on and found about 8 children in the closet with no adult.   I turned to one of the boys I knew was aware of the rules and I asked him why they were in there without and adult.   He told me he has asked the other adult there that day about getting a ball and she said to go get it.   I told him he should have came and got me before going in the closet.   At that point a little girl about 8 years old said to me you just do not want us in here cause we are black.   I looked at her and smiled then I looked at another little girl that was also there.   The other little girl had know me her whole life.   I told the girl that made the remark that this other little girl had know me her whole life.   I then asked the second little girl : Am I predigest?  She replied no Miss Jane you treat all kids the same.   I then looked back to the little girl that had first said I was predigest and told her see this little girl knew me her whole life and she herself told you I am not predigest.   I would now like to point out a couple things to you first sense you are the one that assumed I was predigest because you saw my white skin that makes you the one that is predigest, and what you are not seeing is I have black blood in me too all you see is the white skin.   I hope she thought about the point I made to her.   I find it sad that children so young are taught to assume predigest because of someone's skin color.   No baby is ever born predigest that is something that is taught.  I think everyone should remember something my mom taught me when I was just a kid.   I grew up in rural Appalachian mountains.   It is mostly white people there, and my brother used to tell me all kinds of lies about black people.   My mom very quickly told me he was lying.   These words that my mom said are the ones to remember: She said, IF YOU PEAL OFF THEIR SKIN EVERYONE IS THE SAME COLOR UNDER IT.    

     On another related subject:   It really annoys me when a group of people get mad if another group of people for referring to them with a name the first group deems derogatory, but they themselves will call others of their same group by the very same derogatory word.   I understand not wanting to be called something that you feels puts you down, but DO NOT CALL OTHERS OF YOUR SAME GROUP BY THE WORD YOU DO NOT WANT PEOPL OUTSIDE YOUR GROUP TO CALL YOU.   

     I know I probably sound like the very people I said should grow a skin but sometimes you have to lol.   I just think the world would do better if everyone would stop looking for ways people hurt their feelings and work to educate people on  how people should treat others like you want to be treated.   Ohhhh and by the way this is America it is our forefather given right to be different and to say what we want, so anyone that does not like it is more then welcome to go somewhere that they are happy.   That is the beauty of being an American you have freedom to be who you are, say what you want, think what you want.  

     There was something very well said on u tube someone pointed out that these people that seek to stipule  others freedom of speech they are not realizing they are also cutting into their own rights of freedom of speech.   So my advice is not to change our rights but to just walk away if someone says something you do not want to hear.   You can also put in ear plugs if you must be near this person.   Would it not be more proactive to impede the words coming into your own ears rather then taking away everyone's rights to say what they want to say?

July 22, 2015

When You Miss Someone Who Doesn’t Deserve To Be Missed

                                                                                       Shelby Meehleder

The only sure thing about life is that it is in constant motion; days pass, seasons change, people leave.  Sometimes people are taken from us, and sometimes they choose to walk away.  People can leave in the worst way possible: without warning, without explanation, without a word, and then, there are times when people leave for the better (these are not mutually exclusive).  

The truth is, there are some people we are better off without.  There are people who, for one reason or another, are just toxic to our lives.  There are a million platitudes people will spew at you to try to reinforce what you already know; “You’re better off,” “He didn’t deserve you,” “I bet he regrets how he treated you.”  But the truth is, it doesn’t matter if those things are true.  Because ultimately, when someone leaves, especially when they leave for the better, you’re not stuck on what that person is feeling, you’re stuck on what you’re feeling: missing someone who doesn’t deserve to be missed.

There are a million reasons why we love people: the way they look when they first wake up, the comfort and safety they give, because they’ve raised us.  The reasons we miss someone seem to typically connect with the reasons why we love them:  the good things they made us feel, the memories we don’t want to let go of.  When someone leaves us who has mistreated us or hurt us physically, emotionally, or psychologically, there is a disconnect that happens between brain and heart, and oftentimes, it can be painfully confusing.
 
 How is it possible to miss someone when most the memories of them are flooded with pain?  The brain takes over and asks, “Am I so screwed up that I actually long to be back in that cycle of destruction?”  The heart, as far as I’ve found, doesn’t have one simple answer.  Maybe we miss people we “shouldn’t” miss because we want to know if maybe someday they would’ve been better, loved us like we loved them, showed they care the way we wanted them to.  Maybe we are so connected to the few good memories, they become a lifeboat even in the vast sea of disappointment. 

It’s important to remember that missing someone who hurt you does not make you a masochist, and it does not make you damaged.  In fact, it only speaks even louder the fact that your love was too big for them to hold. 
 
So miss people.  Miss them even though they don’t deserve to be missed.  Miss them because, good for you or not, they were a very real part of your life. 

Miss them.  Give their memory more than they ever gave you in the flesh.

( THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I CAN NOT HELP REMEMBERING THE TIMES THE PERSON THAT HURT ME WAS THERE FOR ME AND MADE ME FEEL BETTER WHEN I WAS SAD.  I WILL SOMEDAY FIND A WAY TO GET CONTROL OF THESE FEELINGS BUT FOR NOW I MUST LIVE WITH MY MEMORIES.)

     I have some thoughts to submit to you on the youth of the world.   ( The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers. )   Does that sound like any children you know?   Me to, but that quote was written by Socrates (469–399 B.C.)   Is it not a divine bit of irony that someone should describe todays children so well over 2000 years ago?   I myself have found myself looking at todays youth and wondering where their parents are and why they are not as well behaved as was I.   Lets cast a bit light on the truth of the matter though.   When I was a teen I was not the perfect child I would like to think myself to have been.   Fact is I would often try to argue with my mom if she told me to do something I did not want to do.   My brother once asked our mom why she let me get away with talking to her like I dd.   He knew had he or either of my older sisters spoken to mom like I did they could have gotten smacked in the mouth or patted, but I did not.   I am sure my brother saw it all as unfair, but it was my moms answer to the question that made me see why she did not punish me for talking to her like I did.   She told my brother " Because Janie does everything I tell her to do."  Mom went on to explain to him that I may complain about what she tells me to do BUT I did every damn thing she told me to << her words.   My brother however was constantly disobeying mom.   She told him not to smoke and he and my cousin did out behind the garage.   They were so stupid they did not realize mom would see the smoke rising over the garage roof and send my sister to check on it.  He would skip school when he was told not to.   He would stay out after midnight on a beginners license what the used to call a CINDERELLA license cause you heeded to be home by midnight if you had one.  

     So my friends I submit to you that it is not the children that are different now then they were when we were kids it us the adults that have changed.   We no longer see things through the rebellious eyes of youth we now see things as out parents did the way adults should see things.   I can tell you the exact moment I began to see things as an adult would see them.   It was when my sisters girls were teens and they were acting with her like I myself once acted with my mom.   I did something I had sworn to myself I would never do.   I turned into my Aunt Virginia.   My Aunt Virginia was my moms sister and she did not like the way I talked to mom at all.   Many times she would lecture both me and my younger brother about the way we acted with mom.   I told myself if I ever had nieces or nephews I would never treat them like Aunt Gin treated us, but time changes things.   I still remember the day I heard Aunt Gins words come out of my mouth to my nieces.   I told them they should have more respect for their mom that she was good to them and they should treat her better.  It was like a beam of light shining into my mind and lighting the way to my adulthood.  I now understood why my Aunt Gin tried to tell us what to do.   It was not because she was bossy and controlling as I once thought.   It was because she loved my mom her sister and did not like how I treated her.     You are truly grown up when you can see things the way your parents see them.

     I got the chance to tell my Aunt that I understood her when my mom died.   Aunt Gin had stopped by the house with a big fruit salad.   My nieces were visiting me at the time.   I had told them many times about their great Aunt and how I had said I would not be like her but I was.   I called them to the kitchen and said to them this is the aunt.   Aunt Gin looked at me puzzled and said this is the Aunt What?   I explained to her that this was the Aunt that would give me and my brother a hard time about how we treated Mom and I thought she was just being mean but I now saw she did it cause she loved my Mom and did not like how we were treating her.   Aunt Gin smiled and said That's right.

     My mom used to tell us that we thought she was hard on us when we were growing up but when we were really grown up we would be glad she was so tough on us.   Know what she was right.   My mom raised 5 kids practically alone.  My dad lived with us but he worked a lot so mom did most of the raising till dad got disabled. She did a good job because not a one of us has ever been in jail so she did something right.   She taught us to respect others to always take care of your bills and to never take things that were not ours.   Dad always told us do not ask for anything if someone wants you to have something they will offer it, but to never turn down things that were offered.  If more parents would take a little time to teach their kids how to be adults while they still have their children's attention less people would end up in jail.