We all have many sides to our personality. Some most people on the outside never see, but they are there below the skin waiting to get out. I am no different I have many layer to my personality. There are many things that can trigger a change in my personality that the world sees. The part I try to keep head that is creeping out today is my paranoia. Thing is most of my paranoia stems from things that really happened to me in the past that I am afraid will happen again. I have that ( THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME FEELING.) You all have had them from time to time I am sure. What makes mine more intense is I just found out someone has been either making up things about me or assuming things about me either way it is not true.
What sucks is when you are penalized for what someone else assumes or
for a lie told on you by someone that was believed. It is hard not to
be a little paranoid when you have never been anything but truthful and
loyal and suddenly you are seen as having divided interests when you do
not.
There is another side of me that few see a mean,
vengeful, jealous side of me that I try to keep deep inside, but I know
it is there waiting to break out and level those that hurt me. This
side is truly evil and does not care who it hurts even it I hurt
myself. Sure I am sorry later for what I did when I come back to my real self, but the damage is done by then.
One thing about me though is I never lie about things I really do. If
I say directly I DID NOT DO IT! Then you can bet your last penny on
the fact I did not do it. The thing is I need to say those words not
something YOU THINK means the same.
What people do not realize
is nearly every sentence on the planet can be open to at least 2
different interpretations, and what you think someone meant may be a
million miles from what they really meant. When in doubt always ask
Did you mean and follow it by what YOU thought they meant. If you are
wrong they will correct you and they you will know what was really
meant. Problem with today's world is so few people actually take the
time to truly understand someone else. They hear MOST OF the words
someone says then they make up what they thought was on that persons mind. NEWS FLASH only one brain to a head. It is NEARLY impossible to know what someone is thinking unless they tell you.
jane_and.the_dragon
registro:
Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are.
ht
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IRONY SUCKS SOMETIMES
Have you ever set out to prove something about someone else and discovered that the very thing you thought they were may apply to yourself? As I looked up the definition for a mental condition I heard of last year it occurred to me that the same thing may apply to me myself. Funny thing is as I read the definition of the condition I realized it could apply to many people I know.
Some of you know I have some issues and have been seeing a therapist for years. Last time I saw her I asked her what the word meant. She said it meant someone that thinks the world revolves around them. I have been know to act that way thing is the person I think has the same issue has been showing signs of that lately. I say lately because until very recently if someone asked me about this person I would tell them how wonderful she was and how kind and caring. Lately it is like her personality changed. Stress will do weird things to ones personality I know that too well. There are times my personality shifts many times in one day. I just think it is really ironic when someone you think someone is a certain way only to discover (when you are honest with yourself) that you yourself are the same way you thought they were.
Some of you know I have some issues and have been seeing a therapist for years. Last time I saw her I asked her what the word meant. She said it meant someone that thinks the world revolves around them. I have been know to act that way thing is the person I think has the same issue has been showing signs of that lately. I say lately because until very recently if someone asked me about this person I would tell them how wonderful she was and how kind and caring. Lately it is like her personality changed. Stress will do weird things to ones personality I know that too well. There are times my personality shifts many times in one day. I just think it is really ironic when someone you think someone is a certain way only to discover (when you are honest with yourself) that you yourself are the same way you thought they were.
TO MARC
I have been doing a lot of thinking recently, and more and more my thoughts have been drifting back nearly 10 years. In 2006 I was very new to the net and I was checking out the games in the old yahoo. Late one night I came across a man from California in a literati room. We chatted and I found out he was originally from about 20 miles from where I live now. He was very charming and educated. He was a collage professor who loved literati. He was divorced with 2 sons and was looking to get married again. As time went by he and I became very close he was 80% of everything I had wanted in a man. It was the other 20% that kept me from marring him when he asked.
As the relationship grew colder a side of him came out that I had not seen before. He was emotionally abusive to me and I will admit it brought out things in me that were not nice. Over the next year all I got done was prove I did not do things he accused me of, and to this day I have a bad reaction if someone says I did something I did not do. He messed me up so bad I nearly killed myself. Ironically it was another friend of ours betraying me that changed my personality back to what it was when I met Marc. In a half an hr nearly all the personality changes Marc had caused in me went away and I was my true self again. It took 6 months but he and I got to where we could be just friends again without hurting each other.
I learned one good thing that I have kept from that relationship. I learned how to forgive. Before I met Marc when I got mad at someone that was it the friendship was over. After I met Marc and saw how he could forgive anyone who wanted it I learned how to also. I have a couple very good friends that did some really mean things to me in the past, but when they said sorry they meant it and I forgave them. Marc taught me life is too short to stay mad at people and you only hurt yourself when you do, because the people you are mad at do not care if you are mad at them or not. So with spring here I want to dedicate this to Marc, a man who was not only a great deal of pain in my life but also the one that taught me to forgive those who do me wrong.
The truly sad thing is Marc died one year 3 days before Christmas. All his drinking had finally caught up with him, Had he lived to June he was going to get married to a woman who whom he was very happy.
So here is my advice to everyone because life is too short: Love well , Laugh hard, Forgive human flaws, and never let what someone else does that hurts you keep hurting you after it is over. I am going to put a song on my wall if I can find it you may want to check it out.
As the relationship grew colder a side of him came out that I had not seen before. He was emotionally abusive to me and I will admit it brought out things in me that were not nice. Over the next year all I got done was prove I did not do things he accused me of, and to this day I have a bad reaction if someone says I did something I did not do. He messed me up so bad I nearly killed myself. Ironically it was another friend of ours betraying me that changed my personality back to what it was when I met Marc. In a half an hr nearly all the personality changes Marc had caused in me went away and I was my true self again. It took 6 months but he and I got to where we could be just friends again without hurting each other.
I learned one good thing that I have kept from that relationship. I learned how to forgive. Before I met Marc when I got mad at someone that was it the friendship was over. After I met Marc and saw how he could forgive anyone who wanted it I learned how to also. I have a couple very good friends that did some really mean things to me in the past, but when they said sorry they meant it and I forgave them. Marc taught me life is too short to stay mad at people and you only hurt yourself when you do, because the people you are mad at do not care if you are mad at them or not. So with spring here I want to dedicate this to Marc, a man who was not only a great deal of pain in my life but also the one that taught me to forgive those who do me wrong.
The truly sad thing is Marc died one year 3 days before Christmas. All his drinking had finally caught up with him, Had he lived to June he was going to get married to a woman who whom he was very happy.
So here is my advice to everyone because life is too short: Love well , Laugh hard, Forgive human flaws, and never let what someone else does that hurts you keep hurting you after it is over. I am going to put a song on my wall if I can find it you may want to check it out.
LACK OF SLEEP
LACK OF SLEEP WILL MAKE YOU INSANE. Have you ever suffered from lack of sleep? I have and it quite literally made me insane. I was paranoid and easy to anger. I spent a week fighting with someone over something so stupid I could not believe it when I finally got some sleep and went I did i came back into my real mind as messed up as it is lol.
Last night I kept having the same nightmare I woke up from it 3 times scared each time. The weird part is when I went back to sleep I was back in the same nightmare I had just woke up from at the point I woke up. After the third time waking up scared I decided to stay up and call my b/f. So I was tired all day, and it was not a good day. Apparently I have the ability to make people mad and not even know I did it till they go off.
So I thought I would go out side and get some of that pretty sun that was shining. I was hoping to soak up some of the D vitamins and maybe change my mood. LOL that did not work the air was cold so the sun was false advertisement. I said come play with me it is warm out here. Then when you got out there the wind said ha ha fooled ya. I did manage to get about an hr and a half nap after wwe tonight.
Was there a full moon last night? People were acting weird and I was having weird dreams. I do not think I will be staying up late tonight and I think I will take something to help me sleep, cause i woke up with my hand and my arm both killing me yesterday morning. That may have been why the nightmares.
Just remember get enough sleep. It is good for your heart, your nerves and your mental state. Lack of sleep can cause your heart to work too hard, It can cause you to be jumpy and irritable. I have also noticed it will make you paranoid if you do not get enough sleep. Problem with paranoia is even paranoids have real enemies and it is hard to tell the difference.
Last night I kept having the same nightmare I woke up from it 3 times scared each time. The weird part is when I went back to sleep I was back in the same nightmare I had just woke up from at the point I woke up. After the third time waking up scared I decided to stay up and call my b/f. So I was tired all day, and it was not a good day. Apparently I have the ability to make people mad and not even know I did it till they go off.
So I thought I would go out side and get some of that pretty sun that was shining. I was hoping to soak up some of the D vitamins and maybe change my mood. LOL that did not work the air was cold so the sun was false advertisement. I said come play with me it is warm out here. Then when you got out there the wind said ha ha fooled ya. I did manage to get about an hr and a half nap after wwe tonight.
Was there a full moon last night? People were acting weird and I was having weird dreams. I do not think I will be staying up late tonight and I think I will take something to help me sleep, cause i woke up with my hand and my arm both killing me yesterday morning. That may have been why the nightmares.
Just remember get enough sleep. It is good for your heart, your nerves and your mental state. Lack of sleep can cause your heart to work too hard, It can cause you to be jumpy and irritable. I have also noticed it will make you paranoid if you do not get enough sleep. Problem with paranoia is even paranoids have real enemies and it is hard to tell the difference.
CONDESCENDING PEOPLE WORK MY LAST NERVE
Anyone else have an issue with condescending people in your life. I have a few and they really work my last nerve sometimes. They think they know it all and they are always right and they never want to hear anything different then their opinion of the world. Today is my birthday and most of my family did not call me till late tonight. My younger brother called a couple minutes ago and I knew it was a mistake to tell him what I knew when he asked about our older sister. I told him what I had said to her and he had the attitude that they were always staying away from the family, and they did not used to be like that with me. They used to always come to see me on holidays, and my sister used to take me to the movies. Sometimes I would go over to their house and help them with yard work in the summer. It got me out of the house. I wish our little brother had seen that side of them. I also got to see a softer more gentle more like he used to be side of our brother-in-law (more like he was when we he and my sister were dating) when our brother was dying. I went to our big brothers with my sister and her husband a couple times they went every week. I saw my brother-in-laws old personality coming out. I actually saw him smiling and joking with my brother. That was something I had not seen in a while. It felt good and I had hope things would get good again. Then our brother died and my brother-in-law got a worse attitude. I think he needs some counseling. Seems like everyone my brother-in-law is close to dies on him. First his brother when he was a kid then his dad after he was grown up then his mom about 15 years ago then his half sister not sure what year but after his mother then his favorite cousin a couple years ago and his favorite aunt and my brother last year. Maybe he is thinking why bother get close to people they just die on you. I told my sister I think he needs counseling.
Our little brother argues that our brother-in-law was always like that HE WAS NOT, and when I try to get him to see it was not as he thought it was he does not want to hear it he tries to shut me down by saying I am not going to argue with you about this. To me it feels like he is condescending to me and that he means I am right you are wrong so shut up. His attitude really upset me and I cried for a bit. I may just start staying in bed all day on my birthdays with the covers over my head, because they are getting worse as I get older.
Our little brother argues that our brother-in-law was always like that HE WAS NOT, and when I try to get him to see it was not as he thought it was he does not want to hear it he tries to shut me down by saying I am not going to argue with you about this. To me it feels like he is condescending to me and that he means I am right you are wrong so shut up. His attitude really upset me and I cried for a bit. I may just start staying in bed all day on my birthdays with the covers over my head, because they are getting worse as I get older.
