jane_and.the_dragon

 
registro: 15/04/2014
Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are. ht
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ONLY CHILDREN

     I think only children should be allowed to act like children.   You know how children will run around with their fingers in their ears going la la la la la la la when someone is trying to talk to them.  Lately I have seen adults acting like that in a slightly more subtle manner.   I find it historical when a supposed to be adult runs around trying to shut out sounds they do not want to hear rather then just dealing with things like and adult and putting an end to the things once and for all.   I have a theory. My theory is people that act like children when they are grown up were never taught how to be grownups by their parents of guardians.   If you are not taught how to be an adult you may remain in a child's mind your whole life.

DECLAWING

    I wrote this blog once already and when I went to save it, it pooed so here I go again with a somewhat shorter version.    The topic is declawing of cats.  Most people do not know how it is done.   Some think they just remove the nail.   I myself thought that at one time also.   That is not how it is done they cut the cats whole first knuckle off its foot.   People do not realize cats nails are not like people's nails.   We tend to think of everything in how we see it from our point of view.   I am sure if people realize how declaring was done most would not do it.   If I can find the link I am going to put a video that shows in graphic detail how this is done.   Just be advised it will make you sick if you are a cat lover. If I can find it I will put it on my wall.

Alpha and Omega

     I thought this is the most appropriator place for this blog because this was where the alpha was and now it appears it will also be the omega.   Life is like a winding road.   It has ups and downs and sometimes some very sharp curves with terrible drop offs into pits of depression.   The fact is you can travel it like and expert but no matter who you are or how you take life's journey, no one gets out of it alive.    The best we can hope for is to find people to take the trip with us.   People that you can count on are rare, but if you find them you should hang on to them with both hands.    I have one such friend.   She and her family are always there for me even when I have one of my more psychotic episodes, I can count on her to be standing there by my side when I come back into my real mind.   Which is not to say we never digress we are human and we both realize it so we understand that humans have emotions and sometimes need to let them out.   Those of you that have been loyal readers of my blog know that I use my blog to vent about anything and everything that is bothering me at the time.   My real friends know and understand that is all it is just vented emotions that rarely have anything to do with real life. 
     Some of you may have noticed I have not been writing much lately.   There is a reason for that it has to deal with and omega event in my life, but after living through the deaths of my brother, sister in law and favorite cousin last year I have emerged stronger.   It occurred to me that not all omega events end your life sometimes they are just stepping stones to a different stage of your life.  All endings are sad for a time no matter what ends.   Losing family, a job, a friend,or just your mind all are sad, but when you survive them you will emerge stronger and wiser then before they happened.   Sometimes like the Phoenix something must go down in flames for something more beautiful to be reborn from the ashes.    I have said this before I believe everything in life happens for a reason, and sometimes it is not our place to know what the reason was for an event. It is just our place to learn from it.  
     Lately I have been doing a lot of searching for answers and not finding many.   The problem with that is it overworks your mind and makes it race.   That will make it hard to sleep and the lack of sleep will make you totally nuts.   I found that out the hard way about 2 years ago when I went 3 days on only 1 hr sleep a night.   Not only did I make myself nuts I made and ex friend of mine's life hell too.   Recent events in my life has flashed my memory back to those bad days.   As a result I think I will need to take a few steps away from things I know to trigger these feelings in myself.    I have had the same feelings I had that really bad week a couple years ago.   What drives me crazy is when people do not realize MY BLOGS at least are not meant to hurt anyone or cause any problems anywhere all my blogs are is a steam valve to let my emotions vent out of me before they cause me or maybe someone I love to get hurt.    I will never totally abandon anyone or anything I care about so in time I will get things sorted out and maybe even have a new Alpha in my life.
FORGIVE ME IF THIS BLOG RAMBLES A BIT, BUT THAT IS HOW MY MIND IS WORKING AT THIS TIME.   I have been hitting a bunch of bumps on the road to life.   lol It is a lot like those stretches of road that they put the bars in so your car will vibrate when you cross them.



REAPPEARANCES

      Have you ever had someone from your past reappear in your current life?   That is what happened to me today.   Someone I have know for about a decade that had drifted out of my life about 5 years ago reappeared today.  Out of the blue and without warning I got a phone call from someone I had not talked to at all in over a year.   Soon as I saw the name on the caller id i knew who it was and answered the phone.   At one time she and I were closer then sisters.   She knew things about me that people in my family do not know.   I trusted her more then anyone else on the face of this planet, right up to the day she betrayed me.   It was so painful when I realized I could not longer trust her fully like I always had.   I asked her the same question 3 times in a row wording it differently each time to make sure there was no doubt in what I wanted to know.   Three times she gave me the same answer and all three times it was a lie.   I am not just assuming it was a lie I know it for a fact because she admitted it.   I crashed mentally.   For about a half an hour I do not remember anything.   It was like I had stepped out of this world to a place where nothing could reach me nothing could touch me and I had no knowledge of anything going on around me    How funny is it that that betrayal turned out to be a favor to me.   When I returned to this world, I was not who I had been when I left it.   It was like time rolled back 5 years an I was once again who I had been when I joined the net.   When I came back to this world I had a form of knowledge of who I had been before the betrayal, but I could feel that was not who I was now.
     She realized quickly what she had done to our friendship.   She knew she had messed up and begged me to forgive her.   I told her I could forgive , BUT I would never be able to trust her as I once did ever again.   I told her if she could not deal with that we would both just have to move on without each other.   We are still friends, but to this day I do not fully trust here as I once did, because once trust is lost it can never be found and replaced as it once was a portion of it is lost for all eternity.   
     Back to today.   I had not talked to here in a long time so I was surprised when she called, because she never even sent me a Christmas card last year and I sent her one.   It seems she has just recently started using Skype and wanted to add me.  lol I would be willing to bet that the reason she started using it was because of another friend of ours who I just recently taught how to use Skype.     There are times these 2 woman try to play me against the other, but I started telling them it is not going to work so they do not try it much anymore.  
     Anyhow my friend had recently got married and I got to see her other half on Skype today.   It was the first time I ever saw who she married.   Only thing I got to say about her choice in lovers is it is not my taste lol, so it is convenient she picked them for her and not for me lol.     If all goes well I may be able to talk her into joining me in pool.



CLARITY

    IN THE INTEREST OF CLARITY I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING PERFECTLY CLEAR!   My blogs are open for anyone to read.   I rarely block anyone or delete any comments made  by anyone to anything I have written.   They are my feelings at the time I write them, and as you may have noticed I rarely put anyone's names in them     I would never seek to embarrass anyone which is why I leave names out.   I also do not "explain" my blogs.   They are what they are.   My feelings at a particular time or on a particular issue or thought, and I try to keep the wording general.   Do they from time to time define a specific event  in my life?  Yes sometimes they do, BUT sometimes people see themselves in a blog that has NOTHING to do with them, and I find it ironic that they complain about something that was not about them.   I could put real peoples names in the stories that would eliminated any doubt who inspired the story. BUT I do not see that as fair, because as I said most times my blogs are just me venting, and are totally from my point of view.   To put someones name in it would shine an unwanted light on them, and make them look bad when there are times I myself am just as much to blame.  
     I do however have a suggestion to anyone who does not like my blogs, JUST DO NOT READ THEM.   You do not read them you can not be upset or hurt by them.   I myself do not read many blogs even though I write many.   If I read a blog it has to be something that catches my attention.   I do not run around looking for blogs that may or may not be about me, because quite frankly I do not care what other people say about me.   The reason I do not care is I know those that are my REAL FRIENDS even if they do read something bad about me they will know what is true and what is not and they will ignore the things that are false.     
     When someone knows you really knows you they know what you will and will not do and no one can lie on you toe them.   A perfect example of this is when a friend of mine (who had approached me on a hider id one time) tried to get me angry at another friend of ours by telling me he was barging about what he had done to me, but she messed up.   She said he said, One more conquest for him.   It was that one word  CONQUEST that told me she was lying and I let her know in no uncertain terms that I knew she was lying and that he had NEVER said that.
     This worrying about things people say when they are venting is why I do not have a face book.  I have seen too many friendships die because of face book postings when someone was upset.    Now I have many people that read my blogs and most will not have a problem with them, but I suggest those that are gonna let things I put in my blogs hurt your feelings WHEN I DO NOT USE NAMES or make you paranoid thinking it was you , just maybe you should look inside you as to why you think it is about you.    Well this clarity I am kicking your way may make things worse instead of better, but I am rapidly approaching the state of I no longer care.