jane_and.the_dragon

     My blog is my outlet when my emotions get out of control and those of you that know me really well know that happened a lot.   When I blog I think about things and sort things out in my head.   Without it no one would be able to stand me.   There are times I can not even stand myself when I get like that.   Anyone who takes anything I write when I am upset personally should realize my state of mind at the time and not take it personally.

     I would also like to caution people from assuming ANYTHING about anything I put in my blog.   Even if I am blogging about someone specific that has upset me I do not use names so if you think you know who I am talking about maybe I am maybe it is someone else.   I find it interesting that out of everyone that has apparently had a problem with something I wrote only 1 person has came to me about it.   NEWS FLASH  I AM THE ONE WRITTING IT  try coming to me if you have a problem with something I put in it or if you really do not like what I say in my blogs DO NOT READ THEM   because they are my way of keeping from going nuts.   It works for me I run a lot of stress out through my blog perhaps more people should try it.

     HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE.  

     This time of year is always hard on me.   It has been sense 1982 when my father died just a week before Thanksgiving, and it has not gotten any better this year.   I lost a friend just a couple days ago.   That would be enough to take the edge off anyone's holiday happy if you let it.   The thing is at this time of year we need to think about what we still have rather then dwelling on what we have lost.

     That is why this Thanksgiving I would like to tell you all what I am thankful for.   I am thankful my nephew is back out of the hospital and thank you all for praying for him.   He is not out of the woods yet but he is some better. I am thankful for all my real friends the ones that stand by me no matter how nuts I get.   They catch me when I fall, lift me up when I am down.   They tell me the truth when I need to hear it and know I will not hold it against them if they say it out of love.  I am thankful for my family.   Most of them are very good to me.   I am just sorry we can not spend more time together.   I am thankful for people who go out of their way to help people in need and ask nothing in return.  I am also thankful that there are still more of them then those that try to destroy things and people.  I am thankful I got Christmas shopping done BEFORE black Friday.  lol I hate crowds.   I am thankful that I have learned to rise above people that try to put me down to make themselves feel better.   I am thankful for my neighbors puppy dog she always has a warm welcome for me when I go to their house.   I am thankful I have a friend that makes wonderful desserts and shares them with me .   I am thankful for my friends that always try to help me.   It is nice to have friends like that.  

     Even in the worst of times you can still find things to be thankful for if you look at them and not over them.

   I frequently feel like everything I do is wrong no matter how hard I try to do the right thing.   There are times I feel like the shy itself is collapsing around me.   I wonder why some things seem so much worse at one time then they may at another.   Lets take yesterday for example: I got up and set about wrapping Christmas presents.   I bought 3 of my nephews the same radios.  It was only after I had put the batteries inside the boxes and taped all the radios shut that I realized one of the instruction papers had fallen out of one of the boxes.   I had to open all 3 of them before I found the one that was missing the instructions.   I told my sister you know it will be a bad day when it is 11 am and you are already frustrated.   

     Less then an hour later I got the call I had been dreading my friend Marie had died.   She will be missed.   Then I tried to wash some close and put a few sweat shirts on handers on the bathroom only to have the tension rod I had them fall to the ground.

     After supper I got ill I am not sure what caused it. but I was ill for several hours.   When I got on line I saw my antivirus was not functioning and I ended up having a few words with the supplier, because I had received the conformation letter a few days ago saying it was paid for and active.   While I was looking in my email for the conformation letter I found a few emails I had not opened and one of them shocked and upset me.   I tried to see why this one had been made as it was and I was told it was a probably and joke and that I was one of a weeks worth of nitpickers.

     I really feel like there is nothing I can do that will be right.  Is it any wonder I am depressed.    I worked all summer trying to help anyone that asked, and now I feel like people view me as an appendix, I may have had a use at one time but the only thing I am good for now is annoying people.   It is a sad thing to feel like nothing you do is right and that all your efforts are not appreciated.   Sometimes I ask myself why I am even here.   The way the past couple weeks have went I wonder if anyone would even miss me if I was gone.

     It does not help when I feel the cold winds of change blowing on my face, and at times it seems I am the only one that can feel them.  It is like I am standing in the middle of a freezing wind with no coat to protect me.

     I have been told many times by many people that I take everything too seriously, and I am not denying I do take things seriously.   Things like commitment , honor, love, duty, compassion and love.   You tell me though if EVERYTHING is a joke is not life itself a joke and pointless?

I came by this long ago.    I do not remember where I got it.   Even today the words are as they were then and just as worthy of being retold:     

  Sand & Stone
     TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.    DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.    THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND: TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

     THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH.   THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM. AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE: TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

     THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIENDASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"    THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."

      LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE. THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.

     Have you ever wondered why people make compaints without ever telling the person they are complaining about that there is even a problem.   It has come to my attention that apparently I bothered someone the other day and if it is true I would like to say sorry for it.   I would also however like to point out it would have been nice if this person had came to me dirrectly with what ever I did that bothered them.   It is far easier to resolve problems if you communicate with the people involved dirrectly.   How is someone to know they are bothering you when you do not tell them.

     I thought I was being friendly and was astonished to find that someone took anything I said or did in any other way then that of a friendly jesture.   I do not control what goes on in the heads of others, but I would once again like to say sorry for any inconveniance I may have caused to anyone.   In the future though please just tell me if I am going something that is bothering you.   You will get a faster result if you do.   Misdirrected complaints may get a result eventually, but it will take longer.