Have you ever noticed when you load a truck down too heavy and then try to take it up a hill you can sometimes burn the motor up on it? That is how I feel lately I feel like I am overloaded and about to burn out. I really hate this month I can only hope next month will be better. Every time I think things may be getting a little better and I may be pulling out of the depression I have been in lately someone pushes me back in deeper. I had a friend named Heather once . For those of you that have know me for a long time YES there was a real Heather. She was a lot like me in a lot of ways, but she could do something I never learned how to do she could pull back and recharge herself when she was running on empty. She one time told me "You need to learn to pull yourself away from the things stressing you out or it will break you down." She would disappear from the net for weeks at a time sometimes and when she came back she was all better. I wish I could do that but my dad always said you can not just leave when things get hard.
I have a lot of people depending on me for a lot of things and I am not the kind to leave my friends hanging when they need me. If I say I will do something I do it. Several of my friends have had losses in their lives this month and I have tried to be there for them. I feel like I have nothing left for me. 
I got people thinking they are funny and quite frankly I do not find anything funny about it. Got to love it when someone says another person is going to agree with something you say as a way of dismissing both yours and the other persons opinion. I have another friend that thinks it is fun to be putting someone down all the time. I do not find that funny either. It is like a smart person once said you do not have to put someone else's candle out to make yours appear to shine brighter.
I sometimes wonder if when things that used to be a lot of fun just are not fun anymore if it is time to go find new activities and new people. I just do not know anymore all I know for sure is nothing is as much fun as it once was, and I am not feeling the love like I once did. I feel like I am being ignored and I am not the person to ignore. I do not take it well.
