Did you ever have a day when everything went so wrong all you really want is someone to pat you on the head of give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok tomorrow? I have had 3 of those kind of days in a row, and the stupid part is it did not have to be like that. It all started as a stupid misunderstanding 3 days ago that snow balled and as it went down hill it not only picked up more snow it also picked up some twigs and other dirt along the way so by the time it landed on me yesterday afternoon it hurt way worse the just snow. I can see how I was misunderstood. Hell anyone that has ever read one of my blogs knows I am not always the easiest person to understand. I know that. I do not mean to be that way it is just how my messed up brain works, but yesterday afternoon I crashed. It is stupid how something so little and not meant to harm can cause so much turmoil in a messed up brain like mine.
My mind does not work like most people's. Most people can compartmentalize their thoughts like past present and future all stored in different parts of your brains. My brain is not like that. Every memory in my brain touches another and some of the connections would seem random to someone looking in from the out side, but they make sense in my head. I remember one time I was talking to my nephew and he said something to me I do not remember what he said but it touched on a chain of memories that connected to something I needed to tell him. When he said what ever it was I said OH that reminds me I need to tell you and then I told him what I needed to tell him. He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face and he said How did what I just said remind you of that? So I lead him step by step down the thought chain that connected the two in my head. I told him when he said that it reminded me of this that reminded me of and I went down each link one at a time for him till I had completed the connection. When I was finished he looked at me and shook his head and said I wish I had not asked. I just laughed. I know my brain does not work like the majority of the people in the world, and I have learned to live with it. I know that sometimes the way my mind works annoys people, and i am sorry about that, but those that really love me understand I am a little different and they do not let my quarks bother them. That is how you tell real friends. I real friend will allow you to be whoever you are and not hold the stupid things you do against you. When someone holds something you can not change against you they are not your real friend and never were.
I have a friend who's brain also does not work like other people's brain does. I will admit sometimes I see a lot of the old me in him. The difference is with a lot of hard work I have changed some of my issues, but because of physical issues that change may not be possible for him. So occasionally I get upset with him, but there is nothing on this planet that would make me ever turn my back on him. I may yell at him some times and when I do he usually laughs at me, but if I did not care so much I would not worry about it when he does things that would be a bad idea, and I would not try to stop him. :) he accepts me the way I am and I accept him.
I am sorry I went off on a different road from the main idea of this blog. I do that a lot when my anxiety or insecurities are acting up like they have been for the past 3 days. Wish my friend Debbie was still with us she had a way of getting me calmed down when I was like this. They have a lot of mental problems in her family so she knew how to deal with people when they went a little nuts. She passed away last year and I miss her very much. In many ways she was like a mother to me when I was having emotional problems. Good friends are a blessing and we should always tell them how much we love and need them while we still have them.
