jane_and.the_dragon

Why is it so hard to let go of the past?   It has been over a year sense my net wourld was turned upside down, and I have done a pretty good job making a new one.   Problem is i can not let go of the past.   Tonight I was setting on my couch playing breking bricks on my tablet and some strong memories from over a year ago came rushing back.   The memories concern a letter dn some stylest that were sent to me January 2015.   The letter said they love me, and just a few months later I was told i was useless and thrown out like trash.   You would think after a year I would have forgotten those that hurt me and moved on to a better life.   Why is it my mind drifts back to the time before i was hurt?   Why is it i still miss someone that hurt me and did not care enough about me to apologize for hurting me.    Two little words would go a long way to fixing my broken heart.   The words I'M SORRY and I would be able to forgive the wrong that was done me.   I got a call several months ago, and we talked for nearly 4 hours.   I was told i was missed, but still I did not get an apology.   I would be lieing if i said I did not miss the good times.   The times when I felt loved and trusted.   I may never get tht back from the ones that shook my faith in what people say when they say they love you.   I will someday be happy again.   The day may come when i do not think of the pain i have felt or the loss.   My problem is part of me will never forget the good times we spent looking at pictures, ad planning how to make what we wanted come true.  
    
     Sometimes I wish the human mind was like a computer.   Then I could just erase or delete the bad things in it and keep the good ones.   It sucks when you find yourself longing for things of the past and crying for things you want and may never get.   It makes you wonder if they ever really cared or if they were just using you until they got what they wanted.   It could have all been so wonderful if they had just kept their work always, and not just until they got what they wanted.   Why is it we do not do what is best for ourselves even when we know what it is?